A question I have asked myself numerous times over the last few weeks is how on earth people with more demanding jobs than mine manage this. ‘This’ being morning sickness, general nausea, bone-aching tiredness and all the other stuff that comes with pregnancy. I mean I have a fairly sedate office job, and yet I am struggling to maintain a level of professionalism I would expect. This is without working a physical job…. or having other children to deal with.
There have been days when just managing to stay awake during my 50 minute commute home has been a real effort. Not ideal when your the driver. And the worse thing is when you are all ready to leave the house for work in good time, and then that hard earned breakfast, that you had to force yourself to make and eat, decides that the moment you get in the car, is the time it wants to make a reappearence. Thankfully not in the car.
And I think back to my days of bar work, when I would be on my feet for hours on end, with the smell of beer and food constantly, and all I can do is take my hat off to anyone who does any sort of manual job and deals with this at the same time.
And I know it will all be worth it. I know I must sound ungrateful, I know how lucky I am to even be having any of these symptoms, because I know some people can never experience them. But I think thats what the first trimester is all about. I mean I have peed on a stick and there were two lines, I haven’t had a period in months, and I feel like a bag of crap all the time, so yes I must be pregnant. But I also know the dangers in this first period. The danger of miscarriage is so high in the early months. And added to that worry I actually haven’t seen anything yet. I mean chucking your breakfast down the toilet is as tangible a thing as you can get…. but even so I still feel like I have no proof. Which makes this first period tricky.
Nobody knows because you are too worried to tell anyone anything until that first scan is out of the way. And so you have to try and act normal when all you want to do is hug a toilet bowl, or cry on somebody’s understanding shoulder.
And until other people know, and until you have had that reassurance from that first scan, it is difficult to feel anything other than bogged down with all the crap symptoms. I have actively tried to make sure I don’t get too excited, so I’m not. But I think it makes all the sickness and tiredness just that much more difficult to deal with. Because I feel like a totally different person at the moment, and yet I have yet to fully comprehend why.