I really want to document this journey and wondered about how to do it at this early phase, when it was just a secret between me and Nick. To me this period is an important stage – and yet it is too early to announce.
At the time I write this I think I’m 5 weeks. It could all still turn to dust and this might never reach the light of day. But if it does I wanted there to be an honest account of these early weeks. Because to me, as a first timer, this is where there is a total lack of information. For the last two weeks I have been information hungry, and yet there was not much around.
And to me these first few weeks have been such a massive journey. So I decided to write as I go and hope for the best. I will be as honest with you as possible. About the highs and lows. The wading through this world I have only ever read about.
So here I am at week five. Still a little shell-shocked. Because actually this has been a bit shotgun. This was the first month we decided to start trying and yet never, ever expected to end this month with two lines. Ever. Because I just did not think that happens to anybody ever. Only in historical romances where a fumble in a hay barn results in the woman’s disgrace (I have read waaay too many of these!).
So for me this first four weeks have been an emotional roller-coaster. Because up until the Wednesday just gone I was just me. And now I am something more. Crazy.
What I have googled the most is early pregnancy symptoms. I mean like crazy. Because right from the time I think I ovulated, things have felt wierd. Just different. Different feelings from normal pmt. And yet how can you possibly know so early? Can you really get lucky in the first month? And the most frustrating thing for me is there is no clear answer, until you pee on that stick.
I had all the usual pmt symptoms; cramping, sore boobs, spotting. Just a usual month. But something nagged and pushed me into taking that test. Not at the most convenient time and my announcement of this ground-breaking news to Nick was less than romantic or ground-breaking. I won’t say any more otherwise he will kill me!
My periods are a bit variable so the fact I was a couple of days over wasn’t anything really unusual. But something nagged, something was definitely different. And low and behold. Those two lines appeared. My hand has never shook so damn much.
The rest of this first period has been pretty non-descript as far as symptoms are concerned – just sore boobs, some cramps and Nick may well say – mood swings. That was until two days ago when I got hit with a stinking cold. One of those epic ones which hit you like a train. I have managed to go all winter without a cold, so to me this sudden appearance is not a coincidence. So out come the Google fingers to check this is normal!
The only other issue which has reared it’s head in this first period is trying to keep the news on the low. I want to tell family before the 12 weeks (and will definitely need to) but at this point we are still trying to digest the news ourselves, just the two of us. And I am so aware of the dangers at this early, early stage.
However the weekend I am writing this is Easter weekend and we have seen most of my family and some friends. I have been offered numerous beers, brie sandwiches and even a hot toddy to help with the cold. And I am not one to refuse a pint, so it has been tricky and I think a few people have suspicions.
So that is the first four weeks. These words seem so insubstantial to sum up this massive change, but to be honest I think it has yet to properly hit me. At the moment all I have to show for it is sore boobs, a disgusting cold and two lines on a stick!